First of all: WELCOME
I am so excited to start off this project on my darling new blog, thanks to *Thanks to Rita's Sweet Shop*! I feel somewhat overwhelmed, seeing where this idea has already taken me. It was only about three weeks ago that I had an epiphany. It was a normal day in our *Pink Moss* home, normal meaning, normal for us. Not many houses can boast of SIX beautiful daughters living under the roof.
I have met only one. I was hiking with my friend Tiffany, who is also my sister in law (lucky for me). We were making our way down the mountain and were almost back to the parking lot when we met a darling couple. We exchanged our "good mornings" and somehow got on the topic of children. I always love telling people about my daughters because, well, I am proud of them and the reaction I get is never dull. I hear things like,
"MY, you are blessed!"
"Boy you are cursed!"
"Just THINK of the weddings you will be paying for!"
"Oh the hormones would KILL me!"
"Have you bought some chastity belts?"
"You had better get a gun!"
Well this couple said none of that! They just grinned and said, "Oh dear, we had 10 girls and 2 boys of our own." I was speechless! I knew it was common for people to have extra large families back when they lived on the farm, but TEN GIRLS!? I almost bowed down to her...right there on the mountain! What patience, what love, what devotion, and WHAT A HEADACHE she must have had for the past 20 years! I can hardly imagine it. There are days I literally fall into bed at the end of the day, like a dead man and twitch for 30 minutes as I try to relax. If Jon is lucky, I drag myself off my side of the bed and talk. No, I am not as patience and saintly as this woman on the mountain I thought, so I had to ask her advice.
I rarely get to ask advice from someone with more girls than I have, so I went for it. "Oh my! I exclaimed, how in the world did you survive?" She simply said, (well let me rephrase that, she simple laughed and then) said, "Good luck, I have no advice for you."
My jaw dropped. I helplessly waited for her to tell me she was kidding. How could she leave me hanging like that!? I was mortified! If she didn't have any words of wisdom, than how in the world was I supposed to endure? How in heaven's name would I make it? I had already given birth to five baby girls of my own, had a step daughter, and raised my niece for four years by the time I was thirty-one years old, and I knew I needed help. It hadn't been an easy task thus far, and I was positive it would only become harder.
I turned to Tiff with a sheepish grin and huge eyes and then looked back at the couple. The sweet man, the husband of the tired wife and father to 10 daughters and 2 sons looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "Honey, it will be hard, but it will be worth it. Take one day at a time."
That was it. That was the answer I was looking for. I was grateful for a REAL response from both of them. I wouldn't have wanted a sugar coated reply that made my calling sound easy, because it's not. Everyday is a battle. It's not as physically challenging for me as it is mentally challenging. My mind is ever spinning with ways to solve problems. I am not the best cook. I don't have the cleanest house in our neighborhood, or have my kids to every event on time. No, I am not perfect, actually very far from. But I do spend a lot of time trying to understand my daughters. It feels like I was just there, in fact sometimes I know they question my age themselves.
I didn't start this project because I have all the answers.
I started this project because I don't.
I wanted a place to record the things that have or have not worked raising my girls. My goal is to help them be strong, self confident, and happy. This sounds easier than it actually is, just like anything in life. I have tried to build their esteem from the second they were placed in my arms. I am constantly letting them know how beautiful they are inside and out. I try to help them discover who they are and what makes them happy. But, somehow it is never enough. I feel like there are so many negative forces attacking women every day, that it is a miracle to have any self esteem at all, and it only gets worse as we get older.
The Internet, movies, and music are just a few of the things that tear down the beauty of womanhood everyday. How am I supposed to give advice to my daughters about fighting these things if I struggle with it myself? I knew I needed help. I knew I couldn't find it from any one person...no, I needed the voice of many women. In order to battle hundreds of negative influences, I needed hundreds of women's voices.
In My Daughter's Eyes is an idea I had to ask women to write a letter to their 12 year old self, giving advice on what true beauty and happiness means to them. I didn't give many guidelines because I wanted the letters to be unique, just like the women that wrote them. I plan on featuring one letter at a time on the main blog, so each entry has a chance to absorbed, then moving to the "Letters and Links" page so there will be an ongoing list of previously featured letters.
Don't think for a moment that you can't "Join In The Fun". This is an ongoing project and you are more than welcome to contribute at any time. There are some letters that are funny, some that are serious, and some that are just plain life changing. I am open to receiving tributes to women you know that are fabulous, or any advice you want to share! I had no idea when I started that this would be such a journey for me. I am dedicating this project to my daughters, but somehow I have already grown so much. In three weeks, my eyes have been opened to how women view themselves. The ladies that shared their stories have all been through the same kinds of struggles as my girls and somehow they made it.
I hope that in writing these letters, these women have found a piece of themselves that maybe they didn't know they had. Hopefully they began to rediscover the greatness they already have within. It is so easy to give up trying to have a self esteem as a mother because all of our energy and time goes into our children's lives, our work life, or other things we busy ourselves with. We donate our bodies to the cause, and our mental sanity. It is very important to devote everything to the upbringing of our families, but how can we support everyone around us everyday and not focus on our happiness? How can we show our daughters that womanhood and mothering is the greatest calling of all when we don't learn to be happy ourselves?
After asking myself these questions, I realized I had a much larger goal than I originally thought. Mothers are just older daughters, and we are all struggling with the same things.
I want to help women of all ages find their self worth and what true beauty means to them. I hope that when women come to this site, they feel uplifted. I think together we can build a community to help women and girls, but I need your help! I am open to any suggestions or lessons you have learned in finding your happiness and how you share this with your children. (No, you don't have to have a daughter to be qualified!). For this reason, I have added a "Tips and Tricks" tab on the top of the site, where I will record submitted posts on this subject. If you have something that you want to share with the rest of us, just "Contact Me" and I will review your entry and add it to the "Tips and Tricks" page. Every time someone is chosen to share something on the site, I will have links back to your blog.
If you are interested in reading the original post on my personal blog about when and why I had this idea, THIS is the link.
Now comes the hard part. I have to begin with a letter to my twelve year old self, to dedicate to my daughters. I should have written it three weeks ago when I first had the idea because I wouldn't have been so scared. I know that sounds weird, SCARED to write a post, but I am. I have seen the reaction from women all over the world as they have turned in their letters. Not one said it was easy, in fact it was the opposite. Everyone that turned in their letter said they really enjoyed doing it, so I think it was a good experience for them, but some used words like, emotional, hard, or extreme. So with those words echoing in my mind...I begin.
Dear Janae,
I am sure you have recently returned from Smiths Market with one of those little rolled up scrolls that promises to tell you your horoscope and future. Listen up, because this letter will have much more useful advice for your life! I know you are a "Virgo" and you are destined to meet your "soul mate" this month according to the stars, but this letter is going to be more in depth than you could ever hope to find there. I had a chance to send a note through time for you to read. You know like on the movie you love "Somewhere in Time"? Just like that.
Because I have already been where you are, I have some things to share with you. Some are very important, and others somewhat trivial but will impact you just the same. Let's start with our hair. I know as you read this, it is 1987. I understand that everyone around you is getting a perm, and you want to be "cool" like them. I get the fact that the higher the bangs are ratted, the more you stand out but girl friend, there is a reason for this. It's because you are trying so hard to be fashionable that you don't see how silly you look, in fact in the near future, you will actually have a fly get stuck in your Aqua net sprayed bangs during ballet class! Let's just stick with traditional hair styles that won't break your hair off. While we are on the subject of beauty tips, when you start wearing makeup this year, stay away from the half pink half blue eye shadow. I know Heidi thinks it looks "awesome" but she is just as clueless as yourself. For true beauty, you need to drink lots of water, and put a smile on your face. Realize that your skin color is beautiful. Nothing is wrong with you, your cousins are actually a different ethnicity and that is why they have such beautiful dark skin! Don't try to burn your skin into submission! OH, and I almost forgot! In the next few months you will take your year book picture. For the love of any thing that is good, just smile. Don't do a half grin with mad eyes *because the picture man made you smile* in the attempt to cover your braces because it results in the most awful picture you will ever take.
I know that more than anything right now you want to be "popular" and have your first official boyfriend. Trust me when I say that this is not where your focus should be. You won't be the most popular kid in school, but you will have true friends from all walks of life and this is much more important. Even as I type this part to you, I know you won't listen but please try. You have the rest of your adult life to have a serious relationship and starting one now will only cause lots of pain in the future. The young man that will come along will be a great friend but the adult emotions that come along with him are something that a thirteen year old isn't ready to deal with. I wish I could tell you that the feelings aren't real, but they are, and that is what is so hard. If you decide to jump into the relationship, you will have a hard time thinking about anybody but him for the next five years. Your parents will try to get you to date other people as you should, but you won't be able to let go. Telling everyone you aren't dating him but seeing him in secret will be even harder than just not getting that serious in the first place. High school is for having light hearted relationships and figuring out what type of man you want to marry someday. If you spend all of your time with one person, you don't get the chance to do this. Trust me, after all, I understand you more than anyone else!
There are a lot of things you do in your teenage years that aren't as life changing, but make for good stories. I wouldn't want to loose out on those, but some things I might say are; remember to turn wider than you think when you drive the Suburban, treat your brother Dave better, because he will be one of your best friends someday, and write in your journal. You will have a lot of friends that will choose to drink and try drugs. I am proud to say that you never do. This will save much pain that others you love will choose to go through. It is funny how sometimes the things we feel are controlling us, are actually setting us free.
Most importantly, appreciate your parents for the kind of people they are. I haven't seen a better example of parenthood yet, and I am already old in your eyes! You will think they don't understand how you feel as you struggle through the next several years, but they do. They have been there themselves, and they get it. Try to share more of how your feel with them, because they can be a huge support system for you if you let them. You have no idea how fast the next few years will go for you. You will go away to college soon after high school ends, in fact you will only be seventeen because you are young for your grade. Very soon after, you will meet your husband. I know you planned to go play at college, but once again you fall in love and this time you don't want to because you are still trying to get over the first time you did! Having your parents with you on the roller coaster that is about to start would be much more helpful than leaving them in the dark to save them worry and pain.
Janae, you are strong. You are stronger than you ever imagined possible. You are a daughter of God that loves you, and I know you love him. You were sent to earth to be a witness of him at all times, and in all things, and in all places. Don't give up, even though sometimes you feel like it, because he is always with you. He will be there when you feel alone at college, trying to really figure out who you are and what you believe for the first time. He will be there when you meet your future step daughter, help Jon through a lot of sadness, and start a family at the tender age of twenty. You are not alone as you enter the hardest part of your life and the waves feel like they are crashing down over your head and pushing you under. Just remember, these soul crushing trials come for our good, and he is there. Please don't try to be so strong on your own. Please learn to rely on our Heavenly Father sooner. I know you feel like your pain came from your decisions, and in part you are right, but that is why we are here on earth. We are here to have our free agency and become stronger through our weakness. Don't let this hold you back from feeling the love that is already there for you. He is there.
Your kids will come fast with your first being at twenty, and already having a step daughter. Your second will come two years after and the same week you will decide to raise your niece or she will be sent to state custody. During this time, you will loose everything. You will, in fact, lose all but manage to somehow keep your marriage in tact. You will be so blessed to find an amazing husband that will be there with you through the good and the bad. At times you wonder how you will make it together through all life's stuff that is thrown your way. Remember that when it feels like all is lost, he will be there. When it feels like you can't make it another day, you are actually becoming a stronger team. And in the end, you will be closer to him than you ever thought possible because you choose to, not because it's easy. Marriage isn't all roses and cherries, the true greatness is standing the test of time together. He will be the most giving man you have ever met and will work tirelessly to make this world a better place for anyone he comes in contact with including people he hasn't even met. Don't be too hard on him, he is doing the best he can in life, just like you are. The deer meat spaghetti and potatoes that people give you to live on will make you strong. I'm not talking about the nutrition so much as the knowledge that comes from going without. The one thing you have left is the only thing that is really important anyway. Your little growing family. Hold onto them and cherish Every. Single. Day.
Days are long, but years are fast. Remember this.
Above all, be yourself. Don't spend so much time explaining yourself away. Be proud of who you are and I'm talking about everything. The way you spill things on your shirt, the way you loose your keys incessantly, your need to stay childlike (even at 34 years old), your trusting nature *that will get you into trouble at times*, your talent for caring so deeply about others that it hurts, the fact that you see the good in others -always- even if you shouldn't, your general lack of attention for schedule and detail, the way you run into the rain and not out, your need to always shoot for the stars even when all you are reaching is the ceiling, your horrible culinary skills, and your failures as well as your success. Be proud of who you are. Be proud of being Janae. Someday you will have a half dozen little girls that have many of the same qualities. It will be easier through watching them, to see the beauty that you hold within yourself. They will love you more than anything and look up to you for guidance and acceptance. This is your work. This is your calling, to share what you have experienced and pass on the lessons learned of joy, pain, and everything in between. Together with your husband, you will build a heaven here on earth.
It will not all be easy, but it will be worth it, taking One. Day. At. A. Time.
With love,
Janae
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